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The Man Comes Around

Roseanne Cash released a new album this year called "Black Cadillac." All the songs on this record are about her father's death, and it's beautiful - haunting and pure, with so much emotion it makes your heart hurt as if it was your father that died. Shortly after its release, she gave an interview on NPR where she was asked about the grieving process she went through.

Her response was very interesting to me, and it stuck with me as a lesson on how people deal with grief. She said after her father died, people would walk up to her in the most ridiculous of places - grocery stores, newsstands, art galleries - and would tell her how much they missed her father, and how close they felt to him. These people were fans that had never met him personally, and didn't have any tangible relationship with him or with her! She said it absolutely infuriated her, because she felt like they didn't have a right to grieve with her - he was her father, dammit, and these people didn't even know him!

She said it took her a long time to realize that her father had touched so many peoples' lives - they really did feel like they knew him. They were going through their own grieving process, and they were dealing with it the only way they knew how. She said it finally made her realize just what a magnificent person he was, that he could affect people in such a way.

This week, I have gone through my own grieving process. It took me a long time to figure out what it was, exactly, that I was grieving for. Turns out my emotions and my reactions had NOTHING to do with what was actually happening.

Ralph Ellison said, "Life is to be lived, not controlled, and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat."

I have lived. I have played and experienced certain defeat, and I have survived to tell the tale. I have grieved for things lost, and I have abandoned dreams that I thought were unattainable.

I was reminded this week that everyone grieves in their own way, and they have to be allowed to do so uninterrupted. It's funny how letting go allows you to feel as though things are more in control..