Collective Sigh of Relief..

The house is quiet - everyone is gone. I have this huge jumble of thoughts going on in my brain, and lately it seems like the only thing that makes it quiet is "creating" something. All my "creating" stuff is at work, so I'm hoping I can purge by blogging. Pay no attention - just my innermost thoughts here. =)

First and foremost, I'm worried about my grandmother. She has glaucoma, and had surgery for it several months ago. The surgery didn't take, so they did it over again yesterday. Apparently, they scratched her cornea with the laser, so she's in EXTREME amounts of pain right now. She says it's like closing her eyelid with glass shards underneath it. She's just been walking around crying.

The idea of your grandmother being in pain like this would suck for anyone, but this is the woman that raised me. She's the ONE person in the world that I've always been able to count on, so this terrifies me. Every once in awhile, God gives me a whack on the head to remind me that the people I love won't always be here, and that's what this is. I keep calling to see if she needs anything, and I really just want to run over there and take over, but I know she doesn't want that. It would drive her crazy to know I was taking care of her instead of my own family, and my grandpa's there, so I know she's ok. I just feel helpless sitting here not doing anything for her..

Mike is at work today, still wheezing. His chest is still constricting, but it isn't as bad. The mommy in me is sitting here thinking, "What if something happens to him at work? Who will take him to the hospital? Who will hold his hand?" But - hello - he's probably better off there than here by himself, or worse, with Zion. At least there are people to help him if something happens.

So really, I guess I should take advantage of the time I have now and go to bed.

While I'm sitting here, I need to add something to my list of "I'm Grateful For.." I need to specifically list my Father-in-law. My FIL, Joe, is the most wonderful person that ever walked on this earth, and believe me, I'm not the only person that feels that way.

Every week, he goes to pick up his friend Sam's mother, and takes her to see her son. Sam has MS, and his mother has to be in her nineties. Joe takes off work to go pick her up, drive her to Sam's assisted living apartment, and sits and visits with both of them for two or three hours, before delivering her back to her nursing home. I can't even begin to list the number of volunteer committees he's on to better the community - a community, I might add, that he doesn't even live in. His house is in Overland Park, but he works tirelessly to improve living conditions in the urban core of Kansas City.

This man calls me at least twice a week to remind me that I need to stop worrying about the details and focus on the big picture. He says that it's his job to ensure that we don't lose sight of what's important because of small things like finances and babysitters. He yells at me when I refuse his help - he loves that I just say thank you now, and accept it as he offers it.

His favorite thing to tell me - "Rome wasn't built in a day, Sara." His second favorite thing - "I don't worry about Zion. Zion has good parents. I just want to help take a little of the load off of his parents, to make sure they're happy."

People like that should be sainted. Ok, my head's stopped spinning now, and I think I may actually be capable of sleeping. If you actually took the time to read this, sorry for my rambling.. but it made me feel better. =)

Challenge #3

Ten Things I'm Grateful For:

(in no particular order)

1. My family - duh. Mike & Zion, but also our extended network of family - we have the greatest support system ever.

2. My house - not boring you with the details, but the stars aligned for us to end up with this house, and it is the exact house we always wanted.

3. My pets - I have the most mellow, loving, harmonious pets in the world.

4. Scrapbooking - I've never in my life had a hobby that I could get into as much I have this one. It's taken me to new artistic heights.

5. My scrapbooking friends - oh, how I love thee. =)

6. My job - I wouldn't have time to scrapbook, plus they pay me.

7. My friends - I have some really good friends (that don't scrapbook - I know, horror) that have been there for me through EVERYTHING.

8. Tori Amos & Bruce Springsteen - nuff said.

9. Garage sales - whoever came up with this idea, THANK YOU.

10. Pepsi & Coffee - yeah, they get lumped together cause they're necessary.

Cinnamon Streusel Bread

It smells like Christmas in my house now. Zion's been eating Christmas smelling candles for about an hour now (where does he find these things?!?), and I'm making cinnamon streusel bread, and for the first time in two days, I actually feel relaxed. As soon as it comes out of the oven, I'm going to make myself a cup of the tea that my secret pink chickie sent me and have a piece of bread. If I'm feeling really froggy, I may just take a bubble bath. After my bubble bath, I'm putting my sick family to bed, and I'm going to listen to Enya and scrap for awhile.

I'll be damned if this day is going to end as badly as it started.

I Have Seen Hell..

And it is full of mucous. If you think I'm kidding, swing by my house. Really. It's everywhere. Tissues, wipes, clothes.. poor Zion keeps dripping on everything. Mike keeps hoarking in the toilet, trash cans and sinks. I feel like I have Lysol permanently attached to my right arm.

I told my grandmother the other day that I'm turning in my mommy license. She said she didn't think you could do that. I beg to differ.

The neighbor called the dog catcher on us the other day - yeah - the brand new neighbors. The other neighbors LOVE our dogs. They feed them and play with them. Apparently, not so much with the new ones. I kinda wanna be like, "Who do you think you are, moving in here and upsetting our lil neighborhood groove?"

Now Mike's downstairs throwing up. For real, could being a mother and a wife be any more gross? I don't recall signing up for this when I got married.

Bad Mommy

Today I am a bad mommy. My son is sick (again). Fever, runny nose, coughing.. same stuff as two weeks ago, only he actually got over that one and this one started yesterday.

This evening, my mother-in-law showed up drunk without calling. She does this sometimes, and it drives me CRAZY. When I realized it was her, I brought Zion in the bedroom with me and made the decision that I wasn't going downstairs. Mike came upstairs and got snotty about it - but honestly, no one should have to put up with that. She's difficult sober. I don't even want to talk about what she's like after a drink or two.

So Zion climbed into bed next to me and drifted off to sleep. He laid there on his side with his eyes closed and his tiny little body wrapped around my big huge body pillow and I LOVED it. That's why I was a bad mommy today. He was so sick, and there's no way he would have stayed still long enough to fall asleep like that if he felt good. I was thankful for that brief moment in time to just lay next to my baby boy and cuddle with him, even though he was sick.

Bad mommy.