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SerendipitySmurf.blogspot.com.

The Man Comes Around

Roseanne Cash released a new album this year called "Black Cadillac." All the songs on this record are about her father's death, and it's beautiful - haunting and pure, with so much emotion it makes your heart hurt as if it was your father that died. Shortly after its release, she gave an interview on NPR where she was asked about the grieving process she went through.

Her response was very interesting to me, and it stuck with me as a lesson on how people deal with grief. She said after her father died, people would walk up to her in the most ridiculous of places - grocery stores, newsstands, art galleries - and would tell her how much they missed her father, and how close they felt to him. These people were fans that had never met him personally, and didn't have any tangible relationship with him or with her! She said it absolutely infuriated her, because she felt like they didn't have a right to grieve with her - he was her father, dammit, and these people didn't even know him!

She said it took her a long time to realize that her father had touched so many peoples' lives - they really did feel like they knew him. They were going through their own grieving process, and they were dealing with it the only way they knew how. She said it finally made her realize just what a magnificent person he was, that he could affect people in such a way.

This week, I have gone through my own grieving process. It took me a long time to figure out what it was, exactly, that I was grieving for. Turns out my emotions and my reactions had NOTHING to do with what was actually happening.

Ralph Ellison said, "Life is to be lived, not controlled, and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat."

I have lived. I have played and experienced certain defeat, and I have survived to tell the tale. I have grieved for things lost, and I have abandoned dreams that I thought were unattainable.

I was reminded this week that everyone grieves in their own way, and they have to be allowed to do so uninterrupted. It's funny how letting go allows you to feel as though things are more in control..

Closing my Blog

(Seems to be a trend these days..)

I'm closing this blog and starting a different one. The reason I'm closing it and starting over is long and complicated, but basically, I'm managing a couple of different things and I'm trying to keep them from overlapping.

I will post later tonight when the new one is set up, and I will leave this one up for a few weeks to direct anyone who cares (does anyone care?) to my new one.

And no, Heather, this has NOTHING to do with you. Or with you, Kayla.

Inspiration Rubons

Love these..

Epiphany

e‧piph‧a‧ny (i-pif-uh-nee) –noun, plural -nies.

"a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."

That's what I had this week. I "left" Scrapbookers Dream a week ahead of time due to "scheduling difficulties." If you read between the lines, you can see that I'm being "diplomatic" about the situation. Ok, enough with the quotes.

I began my week not spending money and focusing, once again, on de-cluttering and simplifying. What I realized is that my house had not just been neglected over the last few months - it had been completely ignored. Messes were left where they were made, animals had taken over, the laundry on the bottom of the pile still sported June's dirt. When you're home for a grand total of 10 hours a week, some of which is sleeping, you don't have time to take a look around and realize what's happening.

This week, I haven't left the house in 3 days. I've been in my tank top and flannel pants, scrubbing carpet, walls, counters, desks, and hardwood floors. I've been organizing, throwing away, moving, packing, and unpacking. I've been spending time playing with my son, teaching him to help me do laundry and dishes and cook. I've been planning his birthday party, cooking dinner for my husband, and just, in general, making my family my priority.

It's AWESOME. I feel good. My house is beginning to look like a house agian. My husband is ELATED. My son is happy to be with his mom. And most of all, I feel as though I've had an epiphany.

This is my job. Yes, I knew that before, but I didn't realize just how much of this "house" (and when I say house, I mean everything it encompasses) depended on me to make it run. I am a believer now - mothers are the glue that hold families together.

I am 99% sure that I will not be teaching again next quarter. I have some other "ventures" that I would like to focus on, and obviously, my family is coming first. I may pick up a class or two here and there, but for the most part, I'm finished.

I feel as though my spending is slowly but surely coming under control. I have the tools I need to support my hobby. I'm happy, and I have a wonderful family that misses me..

It's time to accomodate them now.

Redesigned Girlfriends Album

Challenge Day 11

Sorry.. I know I've skipped a couple of days. The good news is that I have no new stuff! My quote for today -

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. {Joshua J. Marine}

I'm in complete agreement with this guy. So far, it's definitely been interesting. I've been trying to keep myself so busy that I don't have to worry about unnecessary spending - and it's worked. Between classes, hanging with Mike and Zion, and cleaning out the house, I haven't even been worried about it.

Today I mentioned going to the Renaissance Festival to Mike, and he said we really shouldn't be spending the money to go. Ordinarily, I would argue with him and tell him we could make it work, but for the first time in my LIFE, it made sense. Duh. What do we need at the Renaissance Festival? More pictures? No. I have a closet full of them that I haven't framed yet. Certainly not food. Zion's not old enough for rides, and we can go to the park for free.

No RenFest for us this year. Maybe next year.

I want a van.

Challenge Day 8

A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has them afterwards. - Karl Kraus

I made a big decision today. Here's to hoping it was a good one.

Challenge Day 7

Change does not change tradition. It strengthens it. Change is a challenge and an opportunity; not a threat. - Prince Phillip of England

Smart guy. Closets are cleaned out and waiting for laundry to be put away. Dishes are done. Clutter is being removed piece by piece, and I'm fighting the urge to go buy a latte. I have a feeling I'm going to be losing this battle.