All Mixed Up

"You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet
Now it's morning but last night's on my mind
There's something I need to get off my chest
And no matter what may come to shine
The dream will always be mine
All mixed up
You don't know what to do
Next thing you turn around and find the person is you
Thought a freak might be the thing
But the first could be the last so just get off your ass." - 311, All Mixed Up

(One of the absolute greatest bands that has ever existed)

My head's not right this week, and some of it's PMS, but some of it's dealing with the screwball people around me.

It's funny.. Mike and I have been at each others' throats. We finally got that settled down and right, and now I feel like some of my friends have taken a vacation. I guess this is my karma for neglecting them...?

I feel paranoid and stressed out; my muscles are tensed constantly - I feel like my back is a giant spring coil. My first thought is that I have too much on my plate, and I need to slow down, but I sat down and really analyzed this today. I really think it's the negativity that's floating around me, and I'm causing a lot of it myself.

I'm jumping from subject to subject here, so you'll have to either bear with me and try to follow, or just stop reading now and accept the fact that I've officially lost my mind.

A co-worker recently had a sort of "melt-down." She went through some changes in life, and was experiencing some changes at work that she didn't really have any control over. She had a hard time dealing with it at first, and a LOT of people noticed - me included. One day I came into work, and I swear she was a different person. Relaxed, smiling, back to the same person I remembered (ok, mostly). She said she sat down and had a long talk with herself, and then with her mom, and realized that she wasn't accomplishing what she needed to accomplish in her life. She was focusing on things that really didn't deserve her attention, and it was affecting everyone around her. She was making a conscious decision to get rid of those things that she shouldn't be focusing on, and start paying more attention to the things she should be.

Today, I realized what she was talking about.

I've been neglecting my family. I've been SORELY neglecting my house. My poor dogs don't even know me anymore. Something has to go in my life, and I've decided that if it's negative, it doesn't belong here. If it's even slightly negative, it's time for it to go.

I'm taking Rhonna's {21} Challenge, and I'll be focusing on eliminating negativity. I know I keep throwing that word around, but really, it's a strong word. Think about it - it's an ugly word. It's time to do some house-cleaning (literally and figuratively), and before anything POSITIVE can happen, you obviously have to get rid of the negative, right? So there we go.

Now, I'm finished rambling. I hope that you will all see a visible change in the future Sara.